Why it's crucial to let it feel like it sucks.

Freshly Reframed: Coaching-inspired reflections and prompts by Freshly’s in-house coach Izzy Abidi - combining professional coaching with the art of storytelling to support individuals through their story arcs across transitions, confidence, career and leadership.

“We regret to inform you that...”

It’s an automated response you can’t reply to. You don’t get a reply from it either. So the “regret” part? It pisses you off even more because it feels fake.

We’ve all received the “unfortunately” email. Cold. Especially compared to how much effort, thought, heart you put in.

Or worse - silence. The non-response that occupies your headspace for months. Should you have followed up? Did they forget? Did you misread?

Or the date that ghosts you after saying they had a really nice time. You cycle through the standard spiral. Was it something you said? Something you didn’t?

Rejection doesn’t always come tied neatly in a bow. Most often, it shows up scruffy, unexpected, uninvited. It leaves you staring at a plate of feelings you didn’t order - but feel obligated to chew on anyway.

We spiral. We doubt. We plan new careers in fields we know nothing about. Botany? Could be nice?

But here’s the thing: rejection, as uncomfortable as it is in the moment, is often doing you a huge favour. You just won’t know it yet. And just like moving countries, having children or dating, it doesn't necessarily get easier the more practice you have, even though you sometimes feel like you've put in the hours and you should benefit from that investment.

Here are some things about rejection I've learned, based on my real-life experiences and those of my clients.

First, Feel the Sting

This part’s crucial - and often the most commonly overlooked. Especially if you're surrounded by well-meaning people who want to pep-talk you out of the pain:

"Don’t worry, something better is coming."
"It wasn’t meant for you anyway."

Maybe. But first - let it hurt.

Rejection stings. It pokes at the parts of us that long to be seen, chosen, wanted. It can bring up shame. Scarcity. All the quiet doubts we thought we’d already outgrown.

Don’t skip the sting. Don’t numb it. Don’t reason it away too quickly.

That sting is honest. It tells you something about what you value, what you hoped for, what you feared. It’s not weakness - it’s honesty. And it often passes faster when it's not fought against.

Rejection as a Sorting Hat

Once the sting softens (and it will), there’s often clarity underneath.

When we revisit the jobs that didn’t call us back, the projects that didn’t pan out, the opportunities that ghosted, the relationships that didn’t last, the answer is often:

“I’m so glad that didn’t work out.”

Not because we’re in denial. Because rejection is one of life’s most under-appreciated filters.

It says: Not this. Which clears space for: Maybe that.

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A Kind Form of Clarity

Sometimes, rejection hurts more because of the stories we tell about it and what it means about us. The stories where we weren’t good enough, or we messed up, or we had a flaw that was picked up on.

But what if it meant something else?

“This wasn’t aligned.”
“This would’ve cost you more than it gave.”
“You weren’t meant to contort yourself to fit this.”

In coaching, we often invite people to sit with rejection not as failure, but as feedback.

A mirror. A redirect. A quiet yes to something else.

Try This

If you’re carrying a fresh no (or the bruise of silence), ask yourself:

💭 What did this rejection free me from?
💭 What would saying yes to this have cost me?
💭 If I'm honest with myself, am I actually relieved? Even just a little?
💭 What does the sting tell me about what I care about?

Write it out. Voice note it. Tell a friend. Let it out of your system. That’s how you get to the wisdom underneath. Reminder: you don't have to post your thoughts, package them or qualify them. No one is expecting you to. You can keep your reflections to yourself. The key is letting it be real enough for you to move through it.

Some thoughts in an attempt to tie a neat bow around the messy-ness that is rejection

Rejection isn’t the villain in stories. It’s not always kind, but it’s often clear. And clarity is something we always want more of.

So feel the sting. Let it sting. Then thank it. And keep going.

Rejection’s doing you a favour.

P.S. If this one hit home…

We explore themes like this a lot in our coaching work - especially in seasons of transition, reinvention, or creative stuck-ness. If you’re in a moment like that, we’ve got space for you.

→ Explore Coaching using the links below.

And if you’ve got your own “thank goodness that didn’t work out” story, we’d love to hear it. Hit reply or drop it in the comments. Sometimes the best rejection stories are the ones we only tell once we’ve made it through.

Small reframes can shift everything - the art is noticing them Try one of these prompts with a friend or teammate and see what comes up.

More coaching tools and reflections at Freshly Reframed or book a free conversation through our Coaching page.

Or, speak to Izzy directly.

Book a call with Izzy

Rejection’s Doing You a Favour